When students finish school they usually take the best-looking career or job that turns up. Many times they make such a decision because their parents wish them to do so, or a friend does the same, or it is a traditional or fashionable career at the moment, or the salary is good. They concentrate on becoming like other people and miss the opportunity to explore and express their uniqueness. One part of them wants them to express themselves but another part longs for love and acceptance and will sacrifice self-expression in order to get it. Not accepting and expressing themselves, they suppress their inner potential Consequently, they live with a sense of inner frustration and failure because they have buried their potential for success. 

 

So, many times youngsters get into these careers or jobs in an attempt to feel loved and to please others or as a strategy designed to get their approval, without considering who they really are. They follow external patterns and they forget to focus on themselves.

 

Maybe they try to make a reasonable decision, guided only by their minds, usually taking into consideration their personality and the professional options (generally making a list comparing the advantages and disadvantages of a career and/or job best choices). 

 

The logical path is right but they also need to listen to their heart and their body, to check that they feel comfortable and confident with the choice. Besides, it is essential to take off the veils, masks or pretexts that do not allow them to see who they really are, thus enabling them to see their life through their own eyes. 

 

Students must learn that to find out what they really want to do they need to listen to themselves and follow their own wisdom. Students who take this perspective develop a deeper self-knowledge, thereby enhancing their self-acceptance and self-esteem as well.

 

 

The Program

 

Big decisions require that we involve the whole self: mind, heart and body. Focusing is a process that helps students to make an overall and right decision, allowing them to include reasoning and feelings. We need to begin the process by making a plan to analyze who the students really are, what motivates them and matters to them, what their perceptions are about their own future and what skills and values they have. In addition, students need to learn to trust their own feelings, instincts and body signals and see themselves as the source of power and wisdom in their life. Such a plan will allow them to determine their career goals and to realize their projects in life, becoming aware of their inner self-image and getting rid of their masks.

 

In the rest of this article I will describe the steps that I ask students to go through to use Focusing in career planning, and I will give some examples.

 

 

Step 1: Mind wise

 

I tell students that a few lucky people discover the most suitable career early in life, but most of us are caught in a kind of psychological wrestling match. I say, “You may be torn between what you think you can do, what you and others feel you ought to do, and what you think you want to do.” This makes sense to them. Then I say: “It is important to focus on who you are and the rest will fall into place.”

“The first step is to learn about yourself. To suit yourself, you must know yourself. The secret of succeeding in a suitable career lies in doing what you enjoy most. To be aware of who you are, you must look into yourself:

• Remember the main events of your personal story,

• Identify your main interests,

• Analyze your skills, abilities and personal strengths,

• Be clear about your values considering what is really important for you, 

• Acknowledge your most suitable living and working environment.

 

 

 Step 2: Heart wise and body wise

 

At this stage the idea is for the students to become conscious of their heart and body, knowing that their body has the knowledge and their heart knows what they really need and what is good for them and what makes them happy. I tell them: “Finding buried emotions is absolutely essential to growth because if you suppress and bury your feelings, you will lose contact with who you are and what you really want.”

 

“Repressing your feelings is a safety mechanism you have developed over the years. Unable to cope with and express the truth about your emotions or your body signs, you have learned to hide those feelings and parts of yourself, hoping that they will just go away. Through years of rejecting and suppressing those aspects of yourself, you acquire the unhealthy habit of automatically repressing any ‘unsafe, unacceptable or confusing’ emotions. You learn only to express those feelings, thoughts and aspects of yourself that will not threaten your life or others thereby insuring safety and acceptance. You become a stranger to your own feelings and body signals.”

 

I remind them, “It is also important to know that most of the time, most of your emotions lie hidden deep inside of you, so that it is difficult to convey the complete truth about yourself because the emotions remain a mystery even to you.”

 

  I introduce Focusing by saying, “Focusing is a straight access to your feelings and body knowledge. It is a body-centered process that can help you to clarify every life issue you face. Focusing is a process of awareness which lead you to a deeper place than just thought or feelings. Focusing occurs exactly at the interface of body-mind. It consists of specific steps which allow you to get in contact with your body sense of how you feel in a particular life situation. In the beginning the body sense is unclear, but if you pay attention to it, words or images can arise and you will experience a felt shift in your body. You can experience a deeper knowledge of yourself and a solution will turn up. Focusing is something you can learn to do by yourself; when you have mastered it, you will be empowered to be in charge of your life, living in the present, with a clearer sense of who you are and what you need.”

 

 

Getting ready for Focusing

 

Next I invite them into a Focusing process: When you have found two or three options (like me, when I had to decide between becoming a therapist or an educational counselor), get ready for the process of Focusing. Take your time to relax. Sit down, close your eyes and pay attention to your body. Breathe in and out deeply and gently, becoming conscious of your body, be quiet and let yourself be. 

 

Pay attention to your body, concentrating mostly on your stomach or chest. 

 

Picture yourself walking along a corridor, at the end of which there are two doors. Then, imagine that you open one of those doors and you see yourself carrying out one of the jobs that you have chosen, for example being a therapist. While you see yourself as a therapist answer the following question: "How do I feel this in my body?” Stay with the center of your body, paying attention to that special place where you usually feel things. Let the answer flow slowly from this feeling. If there are any concerns, do not get stuck in them, keep detached and tell yourself: “Fine, they are there. I can feel them.”

Then ask yourself: What is the quality of this not so clear felt sense? Let a word, a phrase or an image come up from the “felt sense” itself. It might be a quality-word, like tight, sticky, scary, stuck, free, heavy, comfortable, exciting or a phrase or an image. Keep the quality of the “felt sense” until something matches just right and fits with your own experience.

 

Go back and forth between the “felt sense” and the matching word, phrase or image. Check if they suit each other, if there is a body sign showing you that they fit. 

 

Let the “felt sense” change and if it does, return your attention to your body and ask about another word or picture, until they feel just right in capturing the quality of the new “felt sense.”

Accept whatever turns up and welcome the feeling. 

 

My personal experience:

When I had to decide about being an educational counselor or a therapist, I visualized the first option and I had a “felt sense” similar to “butterflies in my tummy.” Then I realized that “exciting” was a matching word. I stayed with the feeling and accepted what was there.

Next I put aside that option and I imagined myself living the other choice, being a therapist. I pictured myself developing that role and I focused on what appeared in the center of my body when I asked: “How do I feel this in my body?” I continued the process as I had done with the first option, always taking whatever came. I realized that the word fitting with my felt sense was “gloomy.”

After exploring my feelings and listening to my body wisdom, I was able to talk about them in a more centered and relaxed manner and I realized that, for me, in that moment of my life, to become an educational counselor was the right option. 

With the Focusing process I became aware of what I really felt and what I really wanted. I decided with confidence to become an educational counselor. I finally trusted in my body signs, my spirit and my heart and I felt energy, power and joy within me.

 

Step 3: Considering all educational options

 

I tell the students that it is important to analyze the possibilities that educational institutions offer. It will also help if they speak to people that are studying or are working in the profession to which they are drawn. 

“Explore the external options:

• Review written materials about colleges and universities where you could study the chosen career. 

• Surf the web to find out about places where you could study.

• Talk with people that work in jobs related to your interests.

“In general, you would like to make decisions that honor your own needs and outer reality at the same time. In this balancing act, Focusing can be an important aid. Therefore, check what you think and feel before meeting the professionals and check what signals are experienced in your body.”

 

 

Step 4: Projecting towards the future

 

Next I say to the students: “It is crucial to imagine your future. Remember that all the answers are inside yourself. This experience can help you to recognize that you are a gifted person and every aspect of you has a virtue. You may discover and join different aspects of yourself, perhaps a part of you that likes and enjoys this new role and another part of you that dislikes it or is afraid of it. 

 

“Being familiar with different parts of yourself can lead you to acknowledge yourself and accomplish the integration of your personality. Remember, you don’t need to be perfect just to feel fulfilled and to accept yourself.

 

“So prepare to focus inside, don’t be afraid, trust in your inner knowledge. Close your eyes, breathe deeply and try to imagine yourself in the future. Picture yourself eight years ahead: You have already finished your studies and you are working now. Where are you? What are you doing? Are you alone? How do you visualize yourself? Take a while; just relax . . . Pay attention inwardly, to your body, perhaps to your stomach or chest. While you visualize yourself working, focus in the center of your body and ask: "How do I feel this situation in my body?”

 

Can you get a word, a phrase or an image that comes from the felt sense itself? Keep the quality of the felt sense till a word, a phrase or an image fits it just right.

 

“Go back and forth between the felt sense and the word (phrase or image). Check if they match each other. 

 

“Let the felt sense change and if it does, look for another word or picture, until they feel just right, capturing the quality of the felt sense. “Return your attention to your body and freshly find the felt sense again. Then ask it again and confirm if this word is all right for you.

“Once the process has finished, thank your body for the information given.”

 

I tell the students they can follow these steps with a partner or in a group. With a partner, I remind them to always keep in mind that the person in front of them is unique and has their own beliefs, purposes or projects. Partners should not give advice, make judgments or comments. They may repeat something just to check, such as: "I think you said ...” 

 

“If you work with a partner in this positive way and open manner, you can experience your true self with the riches that exist within you. Your mask will come off, you will live in a deeply satisfying way and you will be able to truly express yourself.”

 

 

Step 5: Feeling, thinking and now acting … role-play session.

 

Next I invite the student into a role play. “It is very helpful to act out with a partner, as if you were a professional. This exercise will help you to realize whether you can see yourself in the new role, whether you have enough information about the career, how you feel in that new situation, what internal barriers and developmental needs you have.

 

“Another advantage of a role play is that you can think about what hinders you from getting what you want out of your working life or what attitudes, opinions, beliefs or behavior patterns keep you away from experiencing success and satisfaction.

 

“For example, act in a role play as if you already were (for example) the architect that you wish to become. Your partner would be your client. Before that, it is essential to focus inside yourself to check your feelings and your body signals, asking: ‘How do I feel this role play in my body?’ Remember that you need to focus on the center of your body, letting a word, a phrase or an image come up from the felt sense itself and keeping the quality of the felt sense until something matches just right.

 

“Keep in mind that decisions always involve different aspects of yourself, such as a part of you that enjoys designing and would like you to become an architect but another part of you that is scared about that new role in your life. 

 

“Focusing will help you to listen deeply to each part, so that you do not become identified with any one of them without considering all your other parts. When you recognize each part or aspect of the inner drama, it will make a big difference to your perspective and this awareness will bring with it a contribution to your wholeness. 

 

“Finally, remember that decisions and choices are always with you. Obviously, you would like to make decisions that respect your own inner needs and the outer reality at the same time. Remember that in this balancing act, Focusing could be an important ally, giving you access to a deep level of knowledge, leading to an inner transformation that you can immediately feel.”

 

 

Example: Melissa’s choice

 

Melissa was an eighteen year old teenager. She wanted to make the right decision; she was concerned about finding a career and a job that really suited her. She needed to find out the best alternative for her.

 

Melissa and I followed Step 1, so that she could have a better knowledge of herself. She reviewed her personal past, main interests, skills and values and she discovered that at that moment of her life, she would like to be a nurse or a nutritionist. 

Then she got ready to follow Step 2 in order to focus into her heart and her body wisdom.

 

I asked her to sit down and relax, and I suggested that she close her eyes and imagine that she was walking along a corridor where there were two doors. I asked her to choose one of them and to open that door. At that moment I told her to visualize herself being a nurse or a nutritionist. She preferred to visualize being a nurse first; she sat for a while and asked herself: “How does it feel in my body, being a nurse?” 

 

I suggested that she focus with the sense within her body and let the answers come slowly from this sensing. Then I asked her to check if she could get a word or an image symbolizing or reflecting that sense. Melissa said that “boring” was the word which had come out from that sense. When I asked Melissa if she could sense anything else, she replied that she could not, so I asked her to confirm that the word “boring” was right for her.

 

When I suggested that Melissa keep this sensing so as to experience how the bored part of herself felt, she replied that it felt monotonous and rundown. She could also feel it in her chest. I invited her to check if she had another word symbolizing that sensing. Melissa answered that “bored to tears” was the expression and then she checked that these words matched with her felt sense.

 

She thanked her body for this information and she left this option aside. Then I asked her to go into the other room and visualize being a nutritionist. After a long pause I asked her how she felt it in her body.

 

She felt a vibration and lightness in the center of her body, especially in her chest. Then she checked that the world “happiness” was right to describe this sensing. She stayed with this felt sense and the word “completed” appeared. Melissa remained there and welcomed that felt sense and thanked her body for this information. After exploring her feelings and listening to her body wisdom, she was able to talk about them in a more relaxed way.

In Step 3, Melissa evaluated written materials about university options, concerning both careers and talked with people who worked in them. Then we worked on that, asking how she felt this information in her body.

 

After that, she came back and we moved on to Step 4: “Projecting towards the future.” I suggested that Melissa relax and pay attention to her body again. I asked her to close her eyes, breathe deeply and try to imagine herself in the future, to picture herself eight years ahead, imagining that she had finished her studies and was working. Then I asked her to visualize herself: Where was she? What was she doing? Was she alone? …

 

After a while she saw herself with a pinafore, working with people, preparing diets, helping with a nutritional program in her future institute…

I recommended her to take a few minutes and to pay attention inwardly, to her body. Then while she was visualizing herself working, to focus in the center of her body, asking herself: "How do I feel this situation in my body?” She told me that she felt “fresh air” in her chest and a bit of pressure in the stomach. I asked her to describe the fresh air in her chest and she said that it was “light, bright and comfortable.” I asked her if she could get a word, a phrase or an image coming from the felt sense. She remained there and told me that “certainty” and “peacefulness” were right.

 

I invited Melissa to go back and forth between the felt sense and the word, checking if they matched each other and to welcome whatever came up. I also asked Melissa about the other part of herself, the pressure in her stomach. She told me that it was “dark” and “unknown.” I asked her if she had a word to symbolize that sensing. Melissa answered that a “bit of anxiety” was the phrase that fitted that sense.

 

Finally I asked if she could relate those feelings with her life and she told me that a part of herself was sure about the decision but another part was anxious about the new stage that was about to begin. I asked Melissa if welcoming and staying with those parts of herself was all right. She was positive about it and thanked her body for the information just given.

 

Afterwards, we went on with Step 5. We did a role play where Melissa was the nutritionist and I was her client. Then we shared how she had felt being a nutritionist. She said that she had enjoyed it and had experienced “joy, freedom, and contribution.”

 

Melissa’s celebration:

Gradually Melissa realized that experiencing is a friendly resource, not a frightening enemy. She developed more trust in the process within herself, she dared to get in contact with her own feelings, live by values which she discovered within, and express herself in her own unique ways.

 

The following year she began University. She was very happy with her own decision and she had the inner sensation that she was on the right path, all these made her feel free and connected with the passion for living and feeling alive.